List of Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My Wife Says 90% Of Sex Occurs Between The Ears. But I Need A Girl Who Can Blow More Just My Mind.

I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much; My Doctor Drew Blood He Ran A Tab!

She Was So Fat That Her Bikini Is Made Out Of Two Bed Sheets (king-size).

I Don't Get No Respect

My Childhood Was Bad. No Father. Mother Was Greedy And Brought Me Up Awful - Never Made Me Breakfast Once. I Don't Want To Get Started. One Story Is Worse Than Another.

We Lived In A Neighborhood That Was Too Rich For Us. When I Was Young, I Had To Deliver Groceries To The Homes Of The Kids I Went To School With. I Had To Go To The Back Doors To Make The Deliveries. It Was Embarrassing. That Was One Thing Out Of A Hundred.

I Don't Know Kid, There Are So Many Places They Could Hide.

Man, Who Don't Like Spaghetti?

Hey Everybody, We're All Gonna Get Laid!

Everyone Gets Their Rough Day. No One Gets A Free Ride. Today So Far, I Had A Good Day. I Got A Dial Tone.

I Asked My Wife If She Would Put Out The Garbage. She Said Why Should I You Never Put Out For Me.

I'd Like To Get Some New Clothes, But I Can't Find A Big And Short Store.