The Only Work I Ever Turned Down

My Mother Was Like A Sister To Me, Only We Didn't Have Sex Quite So Often.

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.

Interviewers Always Used To Ask Me About My Pageboy Haircut, And It Drove Me Nuts: It Almost Made Me Suspect That There Was Something Strange About It. So I Cut Off My Pageboy.

I Thought I Was Raptured Up Into The Air Today; Turns Out, It Was Just My Gas Oven Exploding.

When I Was A Kid, I Slept On Rubber Sheets, But Now, I'm A Man. And I Can Take The Wetness!