How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers?

The Irs Sent Back My Tax Return Saying I Owed $800. I Said If You'll Notice, I Sent A Paper Clip With My Return. Given What You've Been Paying For Things Lately, That Should More Than Make Up The Difference.

I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom Said When I Was Born They Threw Away The Mold. Some Of It Grew Back.

I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty Girls, Until One Confessed They're Just As Scared Of Me.

I Asked My Girlfriend, 'will You Marry Me?' She Said, 'we'll Have To Ask My Father.' So We Had A Seance And Jack Ruby Says, 'hello!'

I Think It's Good To Know More Than The Average Guy. If I'm In A Bar Now And Some Pretty Girl Is Talking To Some Handsome 24-year-old Man, I'll Say, "okay, Who's The Emperor After Caligula? What Chief Mistake Did Marcus Aurelius Make In Choosing A Successor?" He'll Just Look Like An Idiot. She'll Just Gravitate Toward Me, I'm Thinking. It Works In Detroit.