A New Child In The House Is

I Used To Walk Into A Party And Scan The Room For Attractive Women. Now I Look For Women To Hold My Baby So I Can Eat Potato Salad Sitting Down.

I'd Distract Myself Until Finally It Was A Combination Of Things. The Show Was Over And I Had Time On My Hands. I Had Taken Time And Played And Just Relaxed.

New Parents Always Sound Like Hucksters In A Pyramid Scheme. Anyone Who Has Kids And Then Gets You To Go And Have Kids Gets A Check From Huckster Headquarters.

Marriage Is Just An Elaborate Game That Allows Two Selfish People To Periodically Feel That They're Not.

A New Child In The House Is A Huge Tourist Attraction. It's Like Disneyland, Except There The Lines Are Longer And No One Brings Casseroles.