My Best Friend Is Disabled. There's Nothing

Do You Want Me To Apologize After Every Joke? If It Doesn't Offend Somebody It's Probably Not A Joke. It's Probably An Observation That's Not Funny. It's Gotta Offend Somebody Somewhere.

I Want The Roast To Be Like A Party Where Everybody Goes And Has A Good Time.

When I See A Good Singer, I Get Teary-eyed. Part Of It Is Jealousy Because All Comedians Are Frustrated Rock Stars. That's A Fact.

As Soon As You Start Analyzing Comedy Is When The World Starts To Fall Apart, And We're Second Guessing It. And We Are Way Too Sensitive.

Comedians A Lot Of Times We're On The Road, We're By Our Self. We Come Home To New York To Our Empty One-bedroom Apartment, You Know, And We Need A Place To Go Where You See A Bunch Of Other Miserable People Sit Around And Eat A Corned Beef Sandwich.