If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be

I Heard From My Cat's Lawyer Today; My Cat Wants $12,000 A Week For Tender Vittles.

I'm An Entertainer, Not A Commentator. If You're A Comedian Your Job Is To Make People Laugh.

Adults Ask Questions As A Child Does. When You Stop Wondering, You Might As Well Put Your Rocker On The Front Porch And Call It A Day.

How Much Of The National News That You Report To The Public Each Night Consists Of Information You've Actually Gone Out And Dug Up On Your Own?

The Good News Is That The President Gets Another Chance. The Bad News Is That He'll Be Two Weeks Older.