Fame - Anyone Who Says He Doesn't

I Can't Say This Too Often - That A Little Humor Can Make Life Worth Living. That Has Always Been My Credo. Somebody Once Asked Me, 'what Would You Like Your Epitaph To Be?' I've Always Said That I'd Like It To Be: He Left People A Little Happier Than They Were When He Came Into The Room.

Good Manners: The Noise You Don't Make When You're Eating Soup.

One Of The Troubles Of The Day, Observes Mr. C.n. Peac, Is That Once We Came Upon The Little Red Schoolhouse, Whereas Now We Come Upon The Little-read School Boy.

Television, I Love It, Everything That Happened Before Television Lumped Together, Never Caused Folks To Turn On A Street To Stare At Me, Or Waitresses To Ask For Autographs.

Banquet: A Plate Of Cold, Hairy Chicken And Artificially Coloured Green Peas Completely Surrounded By Dreary Speeches And Appeals For Donations.