When I Wake Up On A Monday

I'm Always Amazed To Hear Of Air Crash Victims So Badly Mutilated That They Have To Be Identified By Their Dental Records. What I Can't Understand Is, If They Don't Know Who You Are, How Do They Know Who Your Dentist Is?

I Really Don't Take Any Interest At All In Contemporary Comedy.

On My First Day In New York A Guy Asked Me If I Knew Where Central Park Was. When I Told Him I Didn't, He Said: Do You Mind If I Mug You Here?

It Seems Like A Contradiction, But The Shy Person Who Is A Performer Actually Does Make Sense, Because In A Way, When You're Young And Shy, Making People Laugh Is A Good Way To Make Friends. It's An Instant Connection.

When I Used To Do The Edinburgh Festival, There Was A Bunch Of Guys Selling Fresh Oysters And I'd Eat Ten Daily - Marvellous.