Vomit And Feces Are Two Reason I

I’ll Always Be Doing Stand-up As Long As People Are Still Interested In Seeing Me.

It's Good That People Don't Like You. That's Good. It Means That You Are Doing Something Interesting.

There Are Two Kinds Of People I Don't Trust: People Who Don't Drink And People Who Collect Stickers.

Instead Of Having A Baby, Why Dont You Get A Tattoo Of A Baby First, And See How That Works Out For Six Months To A Year, And Then See If You're Ready To Have A Baby.

It's Hard To Tell These Days What Gender People Are. You Don't Know If They're Gay, If They're Straight, Or Bruce Jenner.