The World Must Be Filled With Unsuccessful

Nothing In Fine Print Is Ever Good News.

My Advice Is Not To Wait To Be Struck By An Idea. If You're A Writer, You Sit Down And Damn Well Decide To Have An Idea. That's The Way To Get An Idea.

Have You Noticed That They Put Advertisements In With Your Bills Now? Like Bills Aren't Distasteful Enough, They Have To Stuff Junk Mail In There With Them. I Get Back At Them. I Put Garbage In With My Check When I Mail It In. Coffee Grinds, Banana Peels...i Write, "could You Throw This Away For Me?"

I Believe The Money I Make Belongs To Me And My Family, Not Some Governmental Stooge With A Bad Comb-over Who Wants To Give It Away To Crack Addicts For Squirting Out Babies.

Yes, We Praise Women Over 40 For A Multitude Of Reasons. Unfortunately, It's Not Reciprocal. For Every Stunning, Smart, Well-coiffed, Hot Woman Over 40, There Is A Bald, Paunchy Relic In Yellow Pants Making A Fool Of Himself With Some 22-year Old Waitress. Ladies, I Apologize. For All Those Men Who Say, "why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?", Here's An Update For You. Nowadays 80% Of Women Are Against Marriage. Why? Because Women Realize It's Not Worth Buying An Entire Pig Just To Get A Little Sausage!