The One Thing You Shouldn't Do Is

Thank You... Preseason Football, For Having All The Excitement, Commercials, And Time-outs Of The Regular Season, But With None Of The Mattering. I Appreciate It. Thank You.

I Don't Even Read The Papers. I Read 'usa Today' Because It Has Color Photos.

This Is Interesting. Researchers Have Found That People Who Drive Drunk Are More Dangerous On The Road Than Drivers Who Are High On Marijuana. Don't Get Too Excited. It's Mostly Because The Drivers Using Marijuana Are Just Sitting In The Taco Bell Drive-through.

Former New York Governor George Pataki May Enter The Race For President. It's Not Definite, But He Tweeted That He'll Announce His 2016 Plans On May 28 In New Hampshire. Well, What's He Gonna Do, Go To New Hampshire To Say He's Not Running? That's Like Getting Down On One Knee And Saying, 'i Think It's Time To See Other People.'

During An Interview, Former President George W. Bush Discussed His Painting Hobby And Said, 'never Paint Your Wife Or Your Mother.' Then He Added, 'because It's Almost Impossible To Get The Paint Out Of Their Hair.'