The Function Of Comedy Is To Dispelunconsciousness

There Is Nothing So Bad Or So Good That You Will Not Find Englishmen Doing It; But You Will Never Find An Englishman In The Wrong. He Does Everything On Principle. He Fights You On Patriotic Principles; He Robs You On Business Principles; He Enslaves You On Imperial Principles; He Bullies You On Manly Principles; He Supports His King On Loyal Principles And Cuts Off His King's Head On Republican Principles.

When We Want To Read Of The Deeds That Are Done For Love, Whither Do We Turn? To The Murder Column.

There Are Two Things Necessary To Salvation.... Money And Gunpowder.

Write Your Sad Times In Sand, Write Your Good Times In Stone.

There Is At Bottom Only One Genuinely Scientific Treatment For All Diseases, And That Is To Stimulate The Phagocytes.