She Was So Fat That Her Clothes

And My Girlfriend, She's Fat! How Fat? She's So Fat She Wears Two Watches-one For Each Time Zone!

The Other Night A Mugger Took Off His Mask And Made Me Wear It.

I Get No Respect. The Way My Luck Is Running, If I Was A Politician I Would Be Honest.

I'm Not A Hypochondriac, But My Gynaecologist Firmly Believes I Am.

My Sex Life Is Terrible; My Wife Put A Mirror Over The Dog's Bed. Actually She Did Put A Mirror Over Our Bed. She Says She Likes To Watch Herself Laugh.