Political Elections Are A Good Deal Like

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

I Guess Truth Can Hurt You Worse In An Election Than About Anything That Can Happen To You.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.