My Dream Was To Grow Up And

I Just Heard About A Woman In Germany Who Just Gave Birth To A Baby Boy Named "jihad." Or As The Tsa Put It, "hope You Like Amtrak!

President Obama Said That Over 40 Countries Have Offered To Help The U.s. Fight Isis. Of Course They Said It The Same Way Your Friends Do When They Promise To Help You Move. 'yeah Just Call Me, You Know, If I'm Around. It'll Be Fun.'

Yesterday In Florida, President Obama Kissed A Woman On The Cheek After She Told Him He Looks Good. Which Explains Why Last Night, Michelle Made Him Sleep On Air Mattress One.

There Are Reports That Kim Jong Un Climbed North Korea's Highest Mountain. Kim Jong Un Said All It Took To Climb That Mountain Was Hard Work, Determination, And Lying About Climbing That Mountain.

When Nbc Told Me I Got The Job, I Asked, 'can We Do It From New York?' There Was Just Silence On The Phone