Most People, When They Talk Fast, They

My First Movie, I Got Nominated For A Canadian Oscar-for Meatballs. For Meatballs. And Who Am I Up Against? George C. Scott. So He Wins The Award And I Stand Up And Go, 'that's It-let's Get The Hell Outta Here.'

Chicks Dig Me Because I Rarely Wear Underwear, And When I Do, It's Usually Something Unusual.

I'm Just An Obnoxious Guy Who Can Make It Appear Charming, That's What They Pay Me To Do.

My Iphone Has 2 Million Times The Storage Of The 1969 Apollo 11 Computer. They Went To The Moon. I Throw Birds At Pig Houses

I Went To Second City, Where You Learned To Make The Other Actor Look Good So You Looked Good And National Lampoon, Where You Had To Create Everything Out Of Nothing, And Snl, Where You Couldn't Make Any Mistakes, And You Learned What Collaboration Was.