Inauguration Security Was Tighter Than Kirstie Alley

As Miss America, My Goal Is To Bring Peace To The Entire World And Then Get My Own Apartment.

Arnold Said This Is A Last Minute Attack By Democrats. How Did Arnold Know To Grope Only Democrats?

One Of President Obama's Winning Points Last Night Was About How Sanctions Against Iran Are Crippling Their Economy. And Believe Me, If Anyone Knows How To Cripple An Economy, It's President Obama.

Supporters Of Osama Bin Laden Want To Rename The Arabian Sea After Bin Laden's Death. They Want To Call It "martyr's Sea." Please, Hiding In Your Bedroom For Six Years With The Blinds Closed? How About "chicken Of The Sea?

Well, All Across The Country, This Is Kind Of Sad, Unemployment Offices Are Swamped With People Waiting To File For Unemployment Insurance. It's Gotten So Bad That The Offices Are Overwhelmed And Can't Function. I Got An Idea. Why Don't You Hire More People? They're Right There In Line. Speed This Whole Thing Up!