If I Had To Pick One Artist

I Equals All Of The Ifs Added Up Over Time. The Ifs, Those Are The Possibilities; That's Infinite For All Of Us. Every Day There Are Just Millions Of Them. Time, That's Finite For Each Of Us; There Is No Question There. Maybe If You Divide Choices By The Amount Of Time You Have, The Real I Can Emerge, Depending Upon Those Choices.

I Think There Are So Many Little Hurdles And Impediments With Stand-up That You'd Need To Have This Insane Desire To Do It If You Didn't Have Something That Clicked Right Away.

The Question Is, 'how Bad At Sports Were You As A Kid?' I Grew Up Near Where They Film Jersey Shore. If You Weren't Tan, Muscular, And Book-averse, You Were A Dork And A Nerd And A Geek And Stuff. I Remember Being Into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers.

When I Was In High School I Experimented Sexually. The Experiment Was To Never Have Sex With Anybody No Matter How Hard I Tried. Success! Hypothesis Confirmed.

When You Have A Fat Friend There Are No See-saws, Only Catapults.