I Think It's Time To Stop Carping

You Know, You Look At The Chaos In The Conservative Camp Right Now, It's Only Too Tempting To Blame It All On Pot. But In Fact, The Reagan Revolution Owes A Lot To Reefer. For One Thing, It's Made The Symptoms Of Senility Socially Acceptable.

The Past Actually Happened. History Is What Someone Took The Time To Write Down.

I Never Joined, But I Used To Go To Church Now And Then. I Liked It, Because They Always Passed Out Plates Of Money At The End.

The Baptists' Basic Theology Is That If You Hold Someone Under Water Long Enough, He'll Come Around To Your Way Of Thinking. It's A Ritual Known As 'bobbing For Baptists.'

The Baptists Believe In The Right To Life Before You're Born. They Also Believe In Life After Death, But That Is A Privilege And You Have To Earn It By Spending The Interim In Guilt-ridden Misery. At An Early Age I Decided That Living A Life Of Pious Misery In The Hope Of Going To Heaven When It's Over Is A Lot Like Keeping Your Eyes Shut All Through A Movie In The Hope Of Getting Your Money Back At The End.