I'm Getting Angry At Liberals.

When The President Decides Something On Monday, He Still Believes It On Wednesday - No Matter What Happened Tuesday.

Comedians Dissect Jokes All The Time. Comedians Are Beautiful Structuralists. But Ultimately It's An Athletic Endeavor. You Have To Be Able To Just Hit The Backhand. You Can't Think About All The Pieces Of It. You Can't Think About Your Swing. You Just Have To Do It. Reading Someone Else's Deconstruction Of What I Do, All It Does Is Put Me In My Head. On Nights When The Show Goes Particularly Well, I Am Not Aware Of Its Fluidity. A Lot Of Nights I'm Just Worried That I'm Not Going To Be As Good As The Script In Front Of Me.

But You Are Also The Biggest Threat Of All ...you Are A Gay Person I Like. Your Threat Is That You Make Being Gay Seem Non-threatening. It's Almost As If Your Happiness Does Not Take Mine Away.

This Is America. We Must Defend The Principles Symbolized By Lady Liberty - Unless She's On The Pill, In Which Case, She Is A Giant Green Tramp.

Arbitrary Rules Teach Kids Discipline: If Every Rule Made Sense, They Wouldn't Be Learning Respect For Authority, They'd Be Learning Logic.