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If A Lobster Didn't Look Like A Sci-fi Monster, People Would Be Less Able To Drop Him Alive Into Boiling Water.

One Thing Leads To Another? Not Always. Sometimes One Thing Leads To The Same Thing. Ask An Addict.

I'm Always Relieved When Someone Is Delivering A Eulogy And I Realize I'm Listening To It.

Standing Ovations Have Become Far Too Commonplace. What We Need Are Ovations Where The Audience Members All Punch And Kick One Another.

People Love To Admit They Have Bad Handwriting Or That They Can't Do Math. And They Will Readily Admit To Being Awkward: 'i'm Such A Klutz!' But They Will Never Admit To Having A Poor Sense Of Humor Or Being A Bad Driver.