I Finally Had A Ship Tattooed To

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.

I Don’t Want To Sound Like I’m On Dope, But That Hour Is A High; It’s As Good As You Can Feel. A Wonderful, Wonderful Happiness, And Great Power.

Old Age Is When The Liver Spots Show Through Your Gloves.

I Was So Wrinkled I Could Screw My Hats On.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!