I Felt I Wasn't Getting Anywhere In

The Audience Was Swell. They Were So Polite They Covered Their Mouths When They Yawned.

I Don't Feel Old. I Don't Feel Anything Till Noon. That's When It's Time For My Nap.

I Don't Know What People Have Against Government; They Haven't Done Anything.

In England When You Make A Movie Even The Weather Is Against You. In Hollywood The Weatherman Gets A Shooting Schedule From All The Major Studios And Then Figures Out Where He Can Fit In A Little Rain Without Upsetting Metro-goldwyn-mayer Too Much.

Everybody Is Afraid They Won't Have Any Money After They Die, But Jack Benny Discovered A Way To Take It With Him. He Had His Appendix Taken Out And A Piggy Bank Put In.