George Bush Says, 'gore's Book Needs A

I Have Two Dogs. If I Had Retarded Children, I'd Be A Hero. And Yet, The Dogs Are Pretty Much The Same Thing.

Old Testament, Is Really One Of The Most Wickedest Books You'll Ever Come Across. God Is An Insecure, Rage-filled Hybrid Of Bobby Knight And Suge Knight. He's Got These Anger Issues That You Can't Believe. He's Like John Mccain If Mccain Could Fart Hail. He's Pro-slavery, He's Pro-polygamy, He's Homophobic, He'll Kill You For Masturbating.

When We Talk About Values, I Think Of Rationality In Solving Problems. That's Something I Value. Fairness, Kindness, Generosity, Tolerance. That's Different. When They [conservative Right Wing Republicans] Talk About Values, They're Talking About Things Like Going To Church, Voting For Bush, Being Loyal To Jesus, Praying. These Are Not Values.

I Like Groaning. That Means That You're Not Pandering To Their Already Settled Prejudices.

People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.