Do You Know What 'meteorologist' Means In

I've Been Very Lucky. There Are Guys I Know Who Are Really Terrific In This Business Of Stand-up Who Have Not Gotten The Recognition They Deserve. And It's Nice, If You've Put In The Time, To Achieve That Recognition.

Online, There's No Time. It's Always Christmas.

I Was A Drinker, So I Went Through The Scotches. Before Single Malts Hit, There Were Really Cheap Scotches, Because Nobody Was Paying Attention To Them. Then By The Time They Started Jacking Those Prices Up, I Moved On To Vodka.

You're On Facebook, And These People Seem To Have Endless Lives. I Don't Have Time To Live My Life, Let Alone Tell You What I'm Doing, Or Post A Photo.

Democrats Are Like A Big Tortoise That's On Its Back And Can't Get Up; You Can't Make Jokes About That.