List of Jo Brand Quotes

I Swam At School A Lot. Long-distance Swimming In Pools, And Diving, Then When We Moved To Hastings When I Was 13 I Used To Swim In The Sea All The Time; I Loved It Out Of Season And When It Was Rough.

I Often Tell Audiences At The Start Of My Shows That I'm Not Gay Because I've Got Petitions From Lesbian Groups Saying 'can You Tell People You're Heterosexual Because You're Giving Us A Bad Name.'

I Have Seen Good Nurses And Bad Nurses. They Existed Along A Continuum: From Hard-working, Kind And Competent People, To Office-hugging, Bone-idle Types, To Apathetic, Disengaged Automatons.

I Had Always Fancied A Go At The Comedy And When It Started To Go Reasonably Well And The Opportunity Arose For Me To Move Into It Full Time, I Just Couldn't Turn It Down. I Just Took The Risk, And I Just Wanted To See If It Would Work And Thankfully It Did.

I Can Honestly Say I've Never Sold Any Arms To A Repressive Foreign Regime While Reassuring Everyone At Home That The Weapons Will Be Used For Nice Things.

Christians Have Always Been Fodder For Comedians Who Have Tended To Portray Them As Anoraks - Slightly Clammy, Beatifically Smiley Dullards With Barely A Personality Between Them.

By Crying On My Bed, Drinking Quite A Lot And Feeling Tempted By Drugs. Well, Just Not Reading It To Be Perfectly Honest With You. I Know It's A Bit Of A Copout.

As The Tories Know, The Problem With Setting Yourself Up As A Shining Example For Others To Follow Is That When You Get Caught Out, That Proverbial Substance Really Hits The Fan.

I Like Reading, I Like Boring Things, And Yet I Think People For Ages Had This Image Of Me That I Was On The Tube With A Chainsaw Looking For Any Likely Candidate.

Anybody Who Has Had The Pleasure Of Reading An Article About Themselves In The Press, Knows That On The Whole, There Is A Huge Amount Of Inaccuracy, Value Judgment And The Use Of A Crowbar To Insert Editorial Bias That Reflects The Current Political Leaning Of That Particular Paper.

Managers Of Hospitals, Over The Years Have Been Increasingly Recruited From Outside The Health Service And Although Their Experience Of Running A Supermarket Chain Might Allow Them To Balance The Books, It Does Not Mean They Have Any Insight Into How A Ward Should Be Managed And Patients Best Served.

In The End, Punk Inevitably Burned Itself Out And Acted As A Bridge Across Which The New Romantics Could Sashay In Their Chiffon And Glossy Hair.