White Man Makes Guns? No Problem. Black

An Entertainer's Reputation As A Live Act Is The Most Valuable Thing He Or She Can Have. If People Know You Give Good Shows, You'll Never Be Broke For The Rest Of Your Life.

Nobody's Good. I Hate It. I Truly Hate It. I Mean, There's A Lot Of Guys Doing Stuff I Admire, But Stand-up-wise I Feel Very Alone. I Really Miss Bill Hicks. I Wish I Could Have Put Him On My Show. And I Really Miss Sam Kinison A Lot. Richard Pryor's Sick... It's Like You Get Here And Then, Oh Wait A Minute, There's Nobody Here Any More. I Feel Like The Guy Who Finally Got Into Studio 54, Three Years Too Late, Duh, Where Are All The Famous People?

The Thing About Barack Obama, Just From Being Around Him, Is He's Cooler Than The Other Politicians, But Just Nerdy Enough To Do The Job. Like You Can't Be Really Cool And Be The President.

I Never Watched The Oscars. Come On, It's A Fashion Show . . . What Straight Black Man Sits There And Watches The Oscars? Show Me One. And They Don't Recognize Comedy, And You Don't See A Lot Of Black People Nominated, So Why Should I Watch It?

Shaq Is Rich. The White Man Who Signs His Check... Is Wealthy. "ah, Here You Go, Shaq. Go Buy Yourself A Bouncing Car. Bling, Bling!"