When You Doubt, Abstain.

Notoriety, N. The Fame Of One's Competitor For Public Honors. The Kind Of Renown Most Accessible And Acceptable To Mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder Leading To The Vaudeville Stage, With Angels Ascending And Descending.

Income Is The Natural And Rational Gauge And Measure Of Respectability.

Children Who Have Proven Themselves To Be Incorrigible By The Age Of Twelve Should Be Quickly And Quietly Beheaded, Lest They Grow To Maturity, Marry, And Perpetuate The Likeness Of Their Being.

Fickleness, N. The Iterated Satiety Of An Enterprising Affection.

Backbite: To ''speak Of A Man As You Find Him'' When He Can't Find You.