When I Can't Sleep, I Read A

I'm A Concert Pianist, That's A Pretentious Way Of Saying I'm Unemployed At The Moment.

Now That Marilyn Monroe Is Kosher, Arthur Miller Can Eat Her.

I Never Read Bad Reviews About Myself, Because My Friends Invariably Tell Me About Them.

[madame Nhu Was] The Sandra Dee Of South Vietnam. If I Were Cast On A Desert Island With Her, I Would Quickly Make Friends With The Natives.

An Epigram Is Only A Wisecrack That's Played At Carnegie Hall.