What's Wan Man's News Is Another Man's

Trust Ivrybody-but Cut Th' Cards.

It [thanksgiving] Was Founded By The Puritans To Give Thanks For Bein' Preserved From The Indians, An' We Keep It To Give Thanks We Are Preserved From The Puritans.

I Niver Knew A Pollytician To Go Wrong Ontil He's Been Contaminated By Contact With A Business Man.

One Of The Strangest Things About Life Is That The Poor, Who Need The Money The Most, Are The Ones That Never Have It.

Th' Newspaper Does Ivrything F'r Us. It Runs Th' Polis Foorce An' Th' Banks, Commands Th' Milishy, Controls Th' Ligislachure, Baptizes Th' Young, Marries Th' Foolish, Comforts Th' Afflicted, Afflicts Th' Comfortable, Buries Th' Dead An' Roasts Thim Aftherward.