Uh Oh, This Guy Needs Coffee And

Justin Timberlake Is The Single Most Talented Human Being I've Ever Met In My Life, And It Sickens Me. He Is, Like, 12 Years Old Or Something! He Has 0 Percent Body Fat, He Is Musically Gifted, He Has A Great Ear For Accents, And He Is Hilarious.

Most Comedians Want To Be The Architect Of Their Own Embarrassment. They Have Horrible Self-esteem Issues. I Would Rather Push Myself Into The Mud. I Don't Want To Be Pushed Into The Mud. I Think That Is Probably True. I Think Most People Struggle With Self-acceptance. But Comedians Get A Chance To Self Externalize.

The Holy Roman Empire Was Neither Holy Nor Roman Nor An Empire. Discuss.

I'm A Comedic Actor, Not To Mix Words, But It's Something I Think About. A Comedic Actor. I Like To Think That Christopher Guest, Phil Hartman, Peter Sellers And Alec Guinness Are Comedic Actors. And Dan Aykroyd, Too. Those Are My Heroes.

Here's The Plan. We Get The Warhead And We Hold The World Ransom For... One Million Dollars!