The Comedy Gods Are Smiling On Me

In No Way Was I Intending To Say, Nor Have I Ever Thought, That The Men And Women Who Defend Our Nation In Uniform Are Anything But Courageous And Valiant, And I Offer My Apologies To Anyone Who Took It Wrong.

Rand Paul And Chris Christie Both Said Vaccinations Should Be A Choice, Not A Government Mandate. Because When Have Republicans Ever Told People What They Could Do With Their Own Bodies?

Politicians Will Promise Some Pretty Ridiculous Things. They Will Promise A Chicken In Every Pot. They'll Promise That They'll Keep Social Security Solvent. They'll Promise Drugs For Old People. They'll Promise Lots Of Stuff. But It Doesn't Come Near The Kind Of Promises That Religion Makes. The Mormons Promise That If You're Good While You're On Earth, You Get To Rule Over Your Own Planet In The Afterlife. Now, There's An Entitlement That Goes A Little Bit Beyond Prescription Drugs For Old People.

Herman Cain Answered The Wall Street Protesters, And He Had A Message For These Protesters. He Said, 'if You Don't Have A Job, If You're Not Rich, Don't Blame Wall Street, Don't Blame The Banks, Blame Yourself.' And A Nation Of Out Of Work Teabaggers Said, 'yeah! Hey, Wait A Minute.'

There Is A Big Difference Between A Disappointing Friend And A Deadly Enemy. Of Course The Democrats Are Disappointing. That's What Makes Them Democrats. If They Were Any More Frustrating They'd Be Your Relatives. But In This Country They Are All That Stands Between You And Darkest Night. You Know Why Their Symbol Is The Letter 'd'? Because It's A Grade That Means Good Enough, But Just Barely. You Know Why The Republican Symbol Is 'r'? Because It's The Noise A Pirate Makes When He Robs You And Feeds You To A Shark.