Now See, A Lot Of Critics Are

Attorney General John Ashcroft Said There Is A New Credible Terrorist Threat. He Said Everything Is Under Control; Not To Panic. And Then He Went Back To His Harmonically Sealed Bunker.

The Other Day The Plane That Barack Obama Was On Had Some Mechanical Difficulties And Was Forced To Land. Well, The National Transportation Safety Board Did An Inspection On The Plane, And You Know What They Found? The Bolts On The Plane Were Fine, But Apparently Jesse Jackson Had Taken Some Of The Nuts Off.

This Tony Haywire Guy, Whatever His Name Is, He Told The Bbc On Sunday That He Believes The New Oil Cap That They've Installed Will Eventually Capture The Vast Majority Of Oil Spewing From The Well. You Know, If They Could Capture Half The Bs Spewing From Tony Hayward, People Would Be Thrilled.

A New Study Found That People Who Are Depressed Have A Greater Risk Of Stroke. Well That Should Cheer Them Up.

I Guess We Didn't Even Officially Apologize. Jesse Jackson Called On The United States To Officially Apologize To The Chinese. Jesse Said, 'an Apology Is Not A Sign Of Weakness.' And As President Clinton Has Taught Us, An Apology Isn't Even A Sign You're Sorry.