My Brother And I Tortured My Mother

What I've Learned Is That Life Is Too Short And Movies Are Too Long.

You Can't Teach Somebody How To Be Funny. You're Either Funny, Or You Ain't.

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

I Wasn't The Best Student. I Wasn't Stupid, But I Wasn't Paying A Lot Of Attention.