It's Nice To Be Included In The

The Man Who Accused Richard Simmons Of Slapping Him In An Airport Has Dropped The Assault Charge. Dropped It! Upon Hearing The News, Simmons Sadly Responded, "you Mean I'm Not Going To Prison?"

There's No Doubt About It, Show Business Lures The People Who Didn't Get Enough Love, Attention, Or Approval Early In Life And Have Grown Up To Become Bottomless, Gaping Vessels Of Terrifying, Abject Need. Please Laugh.

If Bill Gates Is Worth $30 Billion Then A Good Haircut Must Cost $31 Billion

You've Got Bad Eating Habits If You Use A Grocery Cart In 7-eleven.

To Me, Nature Always Appears More Unbalanced Than Gary Busey With A Clogged Eustachian Tube.