I Was Once Dancing With A Woman

I Think Of Shock As Kind Of An Uptown Form Of Surprise. Comedy Is Filled With Surprise, So When I Cross A Line... I Like To Find Out Where The Line Might Be And Then Cross It Deliberately, And Then Make The Audience Happy About Crossing The Line With Me.

You Know What They Want? They Want Obedient Workers. Obedient Workers, People Who Are Just Smart Enough To Run The Machines And Do The Paperwork. And Just Dumb Enough To Passively Accept All These Increasingly Shittier Jobs With The Lower Pay, The Longer Hours, The Reduced Benefits, The End Of Overtime And Vanishing Pension That Disappears The Minute You Go To Collect It. And Now They're Coming For Your Social Security Money. They Want Your F**kin' Retirement Money. They Want It Back So They Can Give It To Their Criminal Friends On Wall Street.

Being A Dodgers Fan Led To My First Air Force Court-martial, But That's Another Story.

I'm Thinking Of Buying A Church And Changing It Around: Maybe Selling Crack And Having A Few Whores In The Pew.

Sometimes A Fireman Will Go To Great Strenuous Lengths To Save A Raccoon That's Stuck In A Drainpipe And Then Go Out On The Weekend And Kill Several Of Them For Amusement.