I Have This Mistress: Show Business.

I Don't Want To Be A Spokesman For Family Values, But That's The Way My Standup Is Perceived.

My Theory Has Always Been That Everyone In Show Business Is There Because They Were Deprived Of Some Attention As A Child.

If My Father Had Hugged Me Even Once, I'd Be An Accountant Right Now.

In School, I Wasn't A Very Good Student - I Was Very Irresponsible And Never Did The Studying But Always Liked To Get The Laugh.

Mike Royce And I Have Always Had Success Writing What We Know. What We Know Now Is That We're Middle-aged, Neurotic And Fat.