I Hammer On A Theme Until I'm

Since There Are So Many Idiots Out There, You May Actually Start To Think You're Crazy. You Are Not. They Are Idiots.

When People Come To My Act Any Time After Thanksgiving, I Usually Say, You Shouldn't Be Here. You Should Be Shopping. Our Economy Depends On You! You Should Be Out There Buying Stuff.'

Stand-up Is The Only Thing In Which You Actually Write It, Act It And Direct It Simultaneously, So It's Actually A Great Theater Exercise.

Can Somebody Explain To Me Why Pepsi And Coke Advertise? Are We Missing Something? Seriously, Everyone In This Room Has Drank Enough Pepsi And Coke In Their Lifetime They Could Piss It For A Week.

I'm A Happy Person But An Angry Citizen.