I Do Love America. And La Is

I Haven't Had A Drink In Thirteen Years, But Occasionally I'm Tempted To Have One Beer. The Problem Is That If I Have That One Beer, I Wake Up In Tijuana Four Days Later With A Tattoo And A Sore Ass.

The Universe Is Very, Very Big.

Here's A Tip For All You Aspiring Young Comics: Don't Beat Up The Customers. It Is Very Difficult To Get Laughs From An Audience When You've Actually Drawn Blood From One Of Their Number. It Kills The Mood.

President Obama Said That We Rely Too Much On Gadgets. He Gave A Passionate Speech About Technology, But He Had To Stop When The Teleprompter Broke.

A New Restaurant Here In Southern California Requires Women To Wear High Heels. I'm Outraged! This Is Sexist! Why Just The Women?