Don't Invite Me If You Don't Want

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

Bankers Are Likeable Rascals. Now That We Are All Wise To 'em, It's Been Shown That They Don't Know Any More About Finances Than The Rest Of Us Know About Our Businesses... Which Has Proved To Be Nothing.

Government Spending? I Don't Know What It's All About. I Don't Know Any More About This Thing Than An Economist Does, And, God Knows, He Doesn't Know Much.

There Is A Terrible Lot Of Us Who Don't Think That We Come From A Monkey, But If There Are Some People Who Think That They Do, Why, It's Not Our Business To Rob Them Of What Little Pleasure They Might Get Out Of Imagining It.

The Reason Political Party Platforms Are So Long Is That When You Straddle Anything It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.