Darwinian Man, Though Well-behaved, At Best Is

My Family Pride Is Something Inconceivable. I Can't Help It. I Was Born Sneering.

No Good Play Is A Success; Fine Writing And High Morals Are Useless On The Stage. I Have Been Scribbling Twaddle For Thirty-five Years To Suit The Public Taste, And I Should Know.

I Know Everybody's Income And What Everybody Earns, And I Carefully Compare It With The Income-tax Returns

Wherever Valor True Is Found, True Modesty Will There Abound.

Oh, I Am A Cook And A Captain Bold, And The Mate Of The Nancybrig, And A Bos'sun Tight, And A Midshipmite, And The Crew Of The Captain's Gig!