Cocaine Is Like Really Evil Coffee.

I Don't Mean To Be A Diva, But Some Days You Wake Up And You're Barbara Streisand.

Only Dumb People Are Happy.

But I Always Wound Up Being The Damn John, When I Wanted To Be The Paul.

I'm Clean And Sober For Over A Year And No One Seems To Care! They're Like, 'oh, Her Dramatic Weight Gain.' So, Stop Making Fun Of Me!

If You Want To Ask About My Drug Problem, Go Ask My Big, Fat, Smart, Ten Pound Daughter, She'll Answer Any Questions You Have About It.