Charlie Sheen Is To Stand-up What Larry

I Like To Roast Things From The Inside Out. I Like To Know What's Going On.

Do You Want Me To Apologize After Every Joke? If It Doesn't Offend Somebody It's Probably Not A Joke. It's Probably An Observation That's Not Funny. It's Gotta Offend Somebody Somewhere.

I've Actually Tried To Roast Somebody That I Don't Like, And It Doesn't Go Well. Either They're A Bad Sport Or I'm Not As Funny As I Could Be.

I Don't Think It's Unfair To Have Writers. I Think If You're Going To Do A Roast On Television, As If You Were Doing A Play Or You Were Reading A Script Of A Movie, You Would Have The Best Possible Material. And Those Are The People Who Score, The People Who Are Willing To Listen To The Roasting Experts And Then Come Out There And Own That Material.

It Really Bothers Me When Some People Say That All Cops Are Racist. Of Course That's Not True. Most Of You Are Just [expletive] To Everybody.