List of Milton Berle Quotes

My Son Asked For Very Little - A Kickstand, With A Motorcycle Attached.

At Christmas You Can Get Real Bargains. I Saw One Item Marked Down Ten Dollars. It Was A Yacht.

Valentine's Day Is Like Armistice Day - You Declare A Truce.

War Toys Are Scary. They Have A Rocket Launcher With A Bayonet Attached, In Case You Miss.

I Bought A Christmas Tree For Twenty Dollars. When I Came Home The Next Day, My Wife Was Wearing It In Her Hair.

At The Christmas Party, The Secretary With The Long Red Hair Ate Three Pickles, And Four Salesmen Panicked.

I Just Bought A Great Gift For My Boss - A Leaky Ant Farm.

My Wife Wants Something Foreign For Christmas - Like A Mexican Divorce.

The Only Thing That Can Break A Piece Of Valentine Candy Is Another Piece Of Valentine Candy.

Remember When You Had Your Face Lifted... And The Guy Brought It Back.

My Wife Is A Real Puritan. She Thinks Licking The Stamp On The Envelope Of A Valentine Is Foreplay.

She Was Nice To Him On Valentine's Day. She Gave Him A Heart-shaped Rash.